Like a ...P R A Y E R

• Dear God,

I don’t really know where to start, or which category this is meant to fit into. I haven’t prayed in ages and I don’t know how to do it properly anymore, I feel like I’m talking to myself.

I’m confused - about everything. I used to believe in you, and then you didn’t answer for a whole year and it felt like you weren’t there. So I stopped trying. And now you’re still not there, but at the same time I sort of still believe. I think you’re out there, somewhere. But every time I can i go to church or think about Christianity, I think it’s more and more whacked up. You created the world so how can u destroy those that don’t believe? In the end we are all lost and confused and searching for answers - is that a crime worth punishing?

What is it about me? Why did you take the only men I love away from me? Why are you against me being happy? Why does everything happen to me? Why?

Christianity used to be the answer to all my problems - it used to be the fairytale ending to a miserable life; the hope and light in the darkness. Now it just doesn’t make sense to me anymore and I’m searching for a better fairytale ending, an ending that doesn’t involve anyone at all dying or suffering eternally. If Christianity really is the truth then it seems like it isn’t good enough - seems as if you tried your hardest to save everyone but couldn’t, so “that’s life” and we just have to deal with it. What’s your excuse - what’s the great reason behind it all? Is that the way it’s just meant to be, or will you end up saving everyone, somehow?

wish I could believe like I used to. I wish I could push my doubts aside and sincerely believe in you and love you like I used to. It’s weird where I am, I don’t really get it. The concept of religion, and life and everything else almost scares me. It’s like I’m going crazy. What’s the meaning? Why are we here? How can I escape without dying and going to hell?

I feel trapped. I just want to breathe again. I’m only 14 and people think I’m just going through teenage life when I try to explain my problems. I hate it. I just want to be happy again and experience real joy and meaning (like I used to) but maybe religion is not the answer - maybe it really is the “opium of the people”?

Your prayer, Constanza.